Black Fathers Instill Resilience
Have you ever watched a child, your child perhaps, watch their father? Like really study their movements, behaviors, mannerisms, even down to the way they hold their forks.
I remember watching my son, who was around 7 or 8 at the time, stand at our front door and quietly watch his father back his car into the driveway after work one day. The occasion wasn’t special, it was a random day of the week, just before we were to sit and eat collectively in our dining room. Watching him study his father so intently helped me to realize that being able to watch a man, your father, move through life each day is one of the biggest blessings in a child’s life.
Yes, conversation, affirmation, and even lecturing our children on the “right” way to be and move through this world, the most desireable path to follow, but being able to bear witness to a man in your life actively walking out the morals and values day in and day out is a blessing. There is no better way to learn how to be resilient, than to behold resiliency in its most pure, authentic form.
When we as adults talk about our fathers, we will often lead with how they protected and provided for us. We dive deep into what time they woke up each morning, the length of their work days and careers, the impact they had on their communities, and more importantly the impact their endurance and stick-to-it-ness had on us. The words of their lectures and talks that come to mind when we think of them, are rooted in the values that we saw them walk out each day for decades.
Black Fathers Instill Self-Worth
Have you ever heard a black father building up the confidence and self-worth of their child? When I think of this, two memories come to mind. Since my youngest daughter was born, after bath time, her father would bundle her up in a towel, hold her up to the mirror in the bathroom, and sing, “She’s a queeeeeen to beee! A queen to be!” Every night for years, this was their ritual. She eventually became old enough to sing along with him. And now she sings it on her own, looking full at herself in the mirror, reminding herself of her worth. It has been a beautiful rhythm to witness.
The other memory that comes to mind happened at a graduation ceremony I recently attended. A Black father sitting close behind me was so exuberant with his love for his son, his calls, applause, and praise were heard above everything else in an auditorium filled with parents and loved ones. The smile on his son’s face as he walked across the stage, carried by the bold, public affirmation of his father, was beautiful. When his son walked down from the stage and back towards his seat, I watched as father and son exchanged a look of affirmation - a sort of “I got you!” smile was proudly received by the son across the expanse filled with hundreds of people.
The influential force that is Black fathers routinely and boldly affirming the worth and accomplishments of their children is immeasurable.
Black Fathers Instill Purpose and Direction
Having a Black man in your life who shares openly their challenges, insecurities, regrets, as well as their accomplishments, goals, and dreams is an advantage that knows no bounds. Providing open dialogue and conversation around the trials and tribulations that are certain to be faced in this lifetime, as well as first hand experience on how it was navigated, is a limitless leg-up in the world. Whether that navigation was viewed as “right” or “wrong” is irrelevant. It is an example that can be learned from, one from which purpose and direction can be derived. Being privy to someone's personal path automatically informs your own path, whether it be through emulation or caution.
We are thankful for these spaces where open, vulnerable dialogue is happening, as it creates a more clear, more informed path for our children to follow and as well as a more extensive village to support them.
Black fathers lead by example. Sometimes that example is vulnerable and imperfect, teaching our children that purpose and direction can be found on the other side of the wilderness. Other times, purpose is found in watching the carefully curated, steadfast journey of a Black father and working diligently to follow the footpath left behind.
Thankfully by design, we are not meant to navigate this world alone. Community is necessary in order for us to live fully and experience the full depth of our humanness and of humanity in general. Likewise, resilience is a teamsport. In the age of social media and podcasts, you will often see Black men coming together to discuss life, parenting, relationships, and even sharing their raw emotions of caring for the aging adults in their lives. A special place of connection and conversation rarely heard outside of barber shops and corner stores, Black fathers are coming together in community and conversation.
We want to make sure to thank the Black fathers on our team, who are consistently and lovingly showing up with grace, affirmation, and resilience. And we kindly request that any team we are a part of going forward involves Black fathers. Please and thank you!